My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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