We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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