I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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