Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
