You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
