I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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