this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
