Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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