The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
