so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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