are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
