I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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