i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
