elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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