I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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