Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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