So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
