every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
