the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I puked a lego.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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