How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
