i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She even gives head with a lisp.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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