oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
