Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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