I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
