Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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