Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
