so that wasnt chicken after all
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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