so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
