Your tits are I can't wait for
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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