Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just googled if crying burns calories
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
