I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
