Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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