It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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