you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
