My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
