After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
