And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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