So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
