I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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