I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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