I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
