dude i'm inner monologue high
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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