Joe is yelling at the trees again.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
