Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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