the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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