It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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