the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
