is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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