he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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