The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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