Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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