yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
