It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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