Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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