you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
