I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
