we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
