I wish I only lived at night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
