3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
