If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
