literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
