Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
