dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
