I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
