So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
