he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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