i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
