so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
