Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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