I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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