I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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