____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
