i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize