did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
