I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
