bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
