life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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