Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
