I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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