I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
its liver damage thursday
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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