Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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