I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
