Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
