no, he came in my armpit
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
