I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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