i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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