Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
