$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
