she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
