I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
