is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
