can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
