I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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