No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
