ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
