I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
