You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
