I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize