I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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