I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
