I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
