apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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