This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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