Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
