Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
