Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
