Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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