I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
