It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
