so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
