Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
