So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So much rum. So many feels.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
