In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
