My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize