Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
