i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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