Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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