you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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