i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
