K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
