ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
