Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
